flameofhealing.com

March 1, 2010    New Skills – Stretching Time!

    I am thrilled to be a mom; I’m finally getting comfortable with being an encourager, not a super-involved teacher. The very best is watching my adult kids (they’ll always be my kids!) grow and develop new skills. This year, each one has stretched in ways I have hoped for and prayed for, in education, career and personal skills. I have just learned about the one who was labeled “disabled” has surpassed so many barriers and is now crocheting! Her fine motor skills were once labeled “poor” and yet, here she is, learning, striving, and mastering the crochet hook. There is no limit to the ability of one whose heart is pure, whose desire is the best for loved ones, whose hope for a fulfilling life is placed in God. I am so full of joy, resting and enjoying the fruit of God’s work in those I have entrusted to His love and grace.

February 26, 2010    Rainy Day Blues

   Rain is a common occurrence in our community. I would guess most people I see when it rains do not think about it all that much. We just slug on our coats and have umbrellas on hand to go on with our days. For some, the rain tends to bring on the blues. Occasionally, it is really based on a physical need for the body to have a certain type of light and is a very real malady. A few years ago, I began to recognize in myself a pattern of the blues, or light depression, in mid-January through February. Once I became aware of it, I began to study how I felt and what brought it on and also what helped. I found that it usually hit me after the holidays, as an emotional downer after the wonderful high emotions of Christmas. After all the decorations were put away, I seemed to fall headlong into the blues and the rain just happened to be pouring down for the month or so I felt so bad. Every year, it happened – that is, until last year. Something different happened last year. The book I’ve written, Flame of Healing, in which God has transformed the worst of my memories of a violent youth to be the exact place of hope for healing, began to be used by ministries to help their clients. It began in January and wiped away the rainy day blues. This year, the blues never arrived, for another huge step for this book is coming about. Flame of Healing will be used, beginning this spring, to teach Chaplains how to understand the in-depth spiritual healing process. For me, the rainy day blues had nothing to do with a lack of light, but rather, the gut level memories of horrors no child should ever have to live through. It is the transformation of those memories to something of hope, of life and of healing, that wipes out the blues in my soul.

February 25, 2010    One Thing Leads to Another

   Sometimes, I get caught in a wave of things that I started, but didn’t plan on the results that came. Arguments can do that. A couple of years ago, hubby and I had a horrible argument and he left in a huff. I took a walk by the river, to have time to get a better focus on the problem and just breathe in the fresh, spring air. I walked to the end of a trail and decided to follow the river bank back. I was fine for awhile, but then I came upon a section where blackberry vines had grown out over the edge of the river.  I crawled under some of the brambles and then found myself facing even more. I had a choice to make. I could go back, or try to a) step on the edge of the sand, b) carefully hold on to a tree limb, c) lean out over the water and d) go around the prickly vines. I decided to go for it; with my first step/lean out over the water, the sand gave way and I went “plop!” into the cold river, sitting and completely wet up to my waist. I sloshed my way back home, feeling very cold and silly, and changed. When hubby came home, I told him of my cold, wet walk to - and fall into - the river, he laughed so hard we both forgot even what we were arguing about! It turned out to be the perfect way to resolve our differences that day.   

February 24, 2010    Fish, Anemones & Coral

   Marriage is a balancing of two individuals and their interests. Sometimes it seems like a tug-of-war! My hubby has a very unique personality; he likes collections. Over the years, he has focused on canaries (30 at one time!), computers, bicycles, “denim days” figurines from Home Interiors and one of the most enduring collections, fish. In the last two years, his interest expanded from fresh water to salt water fish. I have learned to support him in whatever collection he has, which has developed in me a measure of patience (to not blow my lid at the cost!). The salt water aquariums are beautiful and calming. We are blessed to have cement under the carpet, to withstand the 90 gallon tanks – water is extremely heavy! The beauty of the salt-water fish is stunning. One of the anemones shrinks at night and balloons out during the day, when a clown fish (one that looks like Nemo) rubs against the anemone’s floating arms. The anemone gets food off the clown fish. They look like they’re having fun together. In one of the other tanks, we have a coral-banded shrimp, which has long antennae and about 8 delicate legs. The shrimp scared us one day; we saw his limp body floating at the bottom of the tank. We then noticed him swimming all around, quite alive. We learned that he sheds his outer skin, even his antennae, just like a snake! Even though I would have never considered caring for aquarium fish (they do take a lot of time, money and effort), our home is a more beautiful place because Rod has.

February 23, 2010    Organize & Prioritize

   I found a way to organize things that are important for me to do. I have been so disorganized enough over the years that days, weeks and even years have slipped by with me barely getting myself showered and dressed before my family returned from school and work. Summers slipped by with me barely noticing the warm sunshine. When I started coming out of the black cloud of emotional pain from my youth, I found a way to spur me on to get things accomplished. I made a chart and found that it did work for me. I listed things that were a priority and how often I needed to do them:

            Daily – Bible Study, laundry, dishes, make the bed, writing

                        Weekly – thorough cleaning of one room at a time, sewing projects, yard work, 
                                dusting, helping friends with transportation to/from doctor’s appointments

                                    Monthly – any of the weekly items that have been missed, because of
                                            illness etc.

I find myself returning to this chart, with adjustments to fit my current projects. I have done a printout and posted it on the fridge, on the front of a binder and near my computer. It helps me to re-focus my mind on achieving something positive each day. I try not to make it too stringent, but flexible enough to encourage me. It has really helped me.

February 22, 2010    Two Very Different Places

   A dry, hard ground –

            A place of healing turned sour.

   Broken dreams swallowed up –

            A house of prideful airs.

   Hoping for a sign of recognition –

            Fed instead a meal of being ignored.

   Never good enough, ever missing the mark –

            Of fashion, poise and popularity.

   Found a new home –

            A house of honesty, truth and love.

   Surprises of recognition –

            Of value and appreciation.

   Part of a team now –

            Creativity encouraged, passion ignited.

   I’ve found my peaceful place to worship –

            The Bible says it so well:

            Psalm 86:10

February 19, 2010     Ignore – or – Dig In!

   This morning, I had a choice. I had begun to slide into the beginning of a depression. It is so easy to do; the first step downward is feeling sorry for myself – poor me! I knew I could continue on that path and basically ruin my day, or choose to walk a different path, a path of being productive and uplifted. I have lots of projects to do, sewing, yard work, writing, working out at the health club and cleaning up around the house. I have had days that I ignored everything to stay in that pity party. Today, I made a conscious decision to not go there. It started with that choice. When I choose to dig in, taking one step at a time, I can accomplish so much. There are days that I have to remember to take a break; I go from one project to the next energized and excited. I would love to have every day like that. I am thankful that today, I chose well. Also in the mix, is the choice to connect with God. If I let even one day slip by without lifting my heart to my Savior, the slide downward into the pity party, and further into depression, has greased, slick sides that make me fall faster and further than I would ever want. I have learned, I need God in my life, every day. It is very real; His Presence in my life helps me every day. Without my Lord God, I would be miserable. With Him, I am lifted up and enabled to be productive and happy.

February 18, 2010     A Hint of Spring

     I was just taking a walk in the brisk air of a February afternoon. I was chided by a bird, in groups of three chatters; he did not want me walking in his park! Throughout the park, mounds of dirt lay pushed up and out, revealing the work of at least one family of moles. The perennial flowers have begun their primary growth, huddled together in clumps of green. The squirrels playfully chased each other ‘round and ‘round the trees, then up and down again, oblivious of the chilly day that was still clinging to winter. About this time of year, I long for the warm days of spring and summer and the beauty of new growth and blooming out. Today, there was a hint of the beauty that is burgeoning forth in the timetable of the Creator. Every day, I watch with anticipation.

February 17, 2010  

     Warmth flows from the God of love ~

            to the one who seeks His Presence.

     Answers to the deep questions of the heart ~

            given freely to the one who receives the Son, Jesus.

     Encouragement, enlightenment, sweet holiness ~

            fellowship united as one with The Father, Spirit and Son.

     Anger, malice and pain swallowed up as desert rain ~

            forgiveness, release and rest spur deep breathing in the chest.

     Peace reigns in the universe, Peace of The Almighty ~

            The Creator, The Savior, The Comforter, The Father ~ Daddy God.

February 16, 2010    Honoring Those We Love

    The concept of identity changes as the years go by. Childhood is filled with wonder, learning and exploring. Teenage is the exciting season of self-identity. The young adult years fly by with an identity laden with responsibility, with career, spouse and children vying for attention. Added to the mix is the season of caring for aging parents, bringing with it a whole basketful of emotions. And finally, the elderly years when one who has been strong and vibrant awakens to weakness and illness and is in the need of care. In every season of life, every memory of family and friends, it is in the choice of honoring those we love that brings fulfillment and profound joy to the soul. How sad it is that so much is wasted on anger, resentment and ultimately hatred! Every moment with those I love is time I cherish. The season of life that I’m currently in (those pesky menopause years!) brings contemplation of life’s events, emotions and values. I’m extremely thankful that I’m learning how to honor those I love, with gracious words, loving actions and time together.

February 13, 2010    Winds of Change

    We live in a wind vortex. The beautiful Columbia Gorge breeds high winds and Troutdale is at the west end, receiving gusty wind that is warm in the summer and bitingly cold in the winter. The park where we are the caretakers is near the north end of the Sandy River Gorge and has wind whipping down through the majestic evergreens of the park. On a windy day, the wind has a howling effect among the trees, as they sway all the way up their high trunks. I love the wind, but I could sure loose the cold! The wind brings excitement and anticipation to my soul. I feel like my life is on the brink of something big and any minute, I will be carried on the winds of change. I have no fear, because I know I am in the perfect care of the Almighty God, who holds the stars in place and knows where He sends the wind, even the wind of change. I am waiting expectantly for what lies ahead; yet I have the feeling I’m already riding on the winds of change, but I am not sure where I’m going to land. One thing that has hastened this is making the change that God wanted me to, of which I wrote just a few days ago. I’m feeling a newfound freedom with the new level of respect I have for my beloved. I wonder why I missed it for so many years; I never liked the feeling of the demanding, self-focused disrespect I was caught up in. It was like a never-ending cycle of bad feelings. It’s a new life, beginning each morning with joy rather than anger. I didn’t even realize how much anger built up in my system. Now, I am free to glide on the wind, like a kite full of wonder. I’m floating on the wind of change and I love it!

February 10, 2010   Money Woes

    When I was about 8 or 9 years old, I had the brainy idea that I wanted to dig through the Earth all the way to China. I began in my yard, with a hole about 3’ or 4’ in diameter. The first thing I ran into, after a few roots was a large rock. I kept digging, trying to dig around the rock, with no success. The rock spanned the entire hole and I never did get around it. Finally, I stopped digging, with my high expectations foiled by a crazy rock. That hole is still there, carrying with it the silly ideas of a child. I think I had high expectations about money, when I entered adulthood and marriage. I was greatly confused about life in general, much less understanding finances. Money became a huge issue as our family grew, because it became the foundation for the desperate need I had for personal and family security. I wanted to control everything in order to feel secure, money, job choices, and purchases. This has been an on-going blight lasting numerous years. As I began to grow in faith, I sought the wisdom of God to help me learn how to cope with the stress, as well as how to lessen the grip money has had on my emotions. There have been tiny steps since I began to seek the Lord for help, but this week, I was led to a giant leap. In dealing with another issue, I felt the Lord’s Word in the Bible jump off the page with relevant encouragement that I should make sure I respect my husband. (Ephesians 5:33) I found myself examining my actions and the attitudes behind them. I realized that even though I have claimed that I respected him, my actions revealed the opposite. In the process of turning around and following God’s direction, I am learning even more about how this respect, the real thing this time, reflects God’s direction for many other areas in my life. This morning, as I released my tight grip on money and his purchases, I realized that I was placing my trust for security in the grace and provision of my Lord Jesus. It was a good feeling, something like the feeling I had as a little girl when I stopped digging, setting aside my childish expectation of digging clear through the Earth.

February 9, 2010    New Insight ~ New Perspective

   For years, I’ve been nagged by a confusion concerning one whom I hold dear. It yanked me around and made me feel as dense as I was one morning when I tried to cook some eggs, but forgot to turn the stove on. I prayed often, seeking wisdom in the matter and placed my relationship with this person into the love and grace of God. Here and there, I’ve received tiny nuggets of truth that have helped me to be patient and gracious. How I respond to my loved one is as important as my understanding of this confusing situation. A couple of days ago, I received new insight, but with it came a bucket-load of anger. This is often the pattern; I peel off a new layer of wisdom and then because of my emotions dealing with it, I have to reign in a negative attitude. It keeps me going back to God, for His wisdom and direction. I prayed in the evening, asking God to help me respond in the way He would guide me. I knew that if I stayed on my own course, I would stay with the anger – which would do nothing but exacerbate the problem. The very next morning, as I was reading my Bible study passage, a verse jumped out at me, getting at the exact problem of how I should respond to my new level of understanding. In just a whisper of the Spirit of God, I learned that God had full understanding of the situation and the only thing I am responsible for is my behavior and my attitude. I found myself reviewing my actions and attitudes and found them to be more disrespectful and unloving than I had thought. God was helping me to focus on myself and that I need to reinvest my energies to being loving and respectful and accept that He knows the heart of my loved one. I appreciated the new understanding; I needed the new perspective of love and respect building into my life.    

February 5, 2010    What is Middle Age in the Light of Eternity?

   I remember thinking, during my teen years, that middle age was oh, around 45-55 years old. Now that I’m there, I would much rather think of middle age in some different frame of reference! I firmly believe that every person will have an eternal existence; the only thing to decide is the address of that existence. The choice is to receive Christ Jesus as Savior and Lord, thereby living eternally within the Presence of God, or to reject Christ – whether by active or passive choices, thereby spending eternity away from the Presence of God. The Almighty God is completely respectful of individuals’ choices and will never force a person to receive Him. Whether with God, or alone, an eternal expanse of time is a bit hard to imagine, much less measure. When does the middle of that come? It’s like trying to think about the number of individual grains of sand throughout the Earth, or the number of stars and distances in the universe. Trying to think about how old I am in the light of eternity has been a lark for today. It is easier to think about my own earthly existence as a farm animal; I am like a spring chicken with a little of my spring sprung!

February 4, 2010    Curve Ball Coming at Ya

    Just about the time I make adjustments in my life, to begin to utilize the time that I have better, I have the curve ball coming at me – messing with me all over again. The one thing I’ve found that helps me to deal with those curve balls is a combination of flexibility and trusting God for all the details to come together in His perfect plan. I learned to be flexible by first trying to be rigid in my opinions and actions, which only caused me misery and heartache. I often hurt those I love in the process of knowing I was right and sticking to it.  It just didn’t work. Slowly, I eased up a bit and learned that being flexible wasn’t so hard and it works a whole lot better. Trusting God has also been a learning process. One of those curve balls hit our finances and we lost our home; we sold the house two months before it would have been sold at auction on the courthouse steps. After paying all the bills, we had enough for three months rent. At the end of those three months, we had no money and we were facing eviction and homelessness. That’s when the miracles of God’s provision took over and taught me what trusting Him is about. We have lived 5 ½ years under His provision, out of the rat race, paying no mortgage or rent, and have learned God is worthy of our trust. Our home now is in a park, with the beauty of evergreen trees surrounding us, a glorious river and trees covering a majestic bluff. Now, when I have those inevitable curve balls coming at me, I am only flustered a short while. It is much easier to relax into that flexibility and sit back and know that God will be there, always loving me and giving me grace, so that I can handle whatever that curve ball is. 

February 2, 2010   Locating Respect

    I’ve been used to little demeaning jabs – overlooked them as merely teases. Over time, it builds like a Lego Land city project. Then, without a hint of what’s coming, it hits me over the head. After thinking through all the angles, I begin to realize that all of this has to do with respect. I find myself asserting the right anyone, and indeed everyone, has - to be treated with respect. I marvel that I have lived through years of being disrespected and demeaned … and allowed it to continue. And how it is possible to actually change how another person chooses to interact? In reality, I am only able to change my own behavior. I remember halting attempts (even though I hadn’t connected it with needing to be respected) – asking, pleading, arguing, demanding, and yet it may come down to the inability of this other person to offer respect. Merely asserting my right to respect may not even still be enough. I may have to limit my interaction with this person, thereby limiting my vulnerability. It would be the last choice, for all this time, I’ve chosen to be in close relationship and would be very sad to let it go. At the end of the day, it really is important to be in relationship, where respect is foundational. The whole thing is exhausting. I’ve been so busy evaluating my own attitudes, to make sure I was doing the right thing, I never thought to examine what was being done and said to me. I simply responded to the hurt I felt, without understanding why I was hurting. I’m worn out of hurting and I want to live differently. So now, I’m searching, not only in this relationship, but in life in general. I’m trying to locate respect. Is it so hard to find? Is it so hard to give? I think the ultimate level of respect is found in God. Whether or not it is experienced in relationships, with God, there is a level of respect and value that eases the pain of my soul. Today, I’m going to rest in this divine respect and value, knowing my God loves me.

January 30, 2010   Mirror of the Eyes

   I’m fascinated by the ability of my eyes to perceive myself differently than I really am. I look at myself in a mirror and I see even my face as thinner than it really is. When I see a photo of my face, I’m surprised that it shows a reality that I’m not really ready for! I wonder if I have the flip side of how people who are anorexic see themselves as too fat, I don’t feel as heavy as what the scale says, nor do I see the poundage that a camera would pick up. Similarly, I perceive my voice and even what I say differently than what a recording picks up. When I see a DVD of myself, my, what a surprise I have! Can that possibly be me? I have a recording of miserable words blaring at me, in my own head, questioning why I look this way or why I said a particular thing. I’m learning more about public speaking and have occasional opportunities to gain experience. I seek the Lord’s provision, for His words of compassion and love to be the ones that come out of my mouth. Then, when those miserable words of attack come in my head, I can purposefully set them aside – as old wadded up newspaper, useless and undeserving. Without God in the process, I would be a nervous wreck trying to talk in public, always questioning how I look and what I’m saying. With God, I can be at peace, before, during and after, knowing He holds me in His hand and guides me. All the other is dross, to be sloughed off. I don’t have to trust my eyes and ears to perceive myself with a measure of truth, even if it is way off. I am much more confident and even joyful because the Lord God, He is The Truth and I am His child.

January 28, 2010    Juggling Stuff ~ Setting Priorities

   January brings out the projects in my life: preparing taxes, cleaning out and organizing closets, setting goals, mending and catching up on sewing projects, writing projects and the inevitable other things that crop up. I feel like a clown trying to juggle all the odd shaped projects and before they all drop, I slow down enough to set priorities. This year, I’m helping a loved one clean and organize and then whew, I’m worn out so much, I have to rest up. But I’m also invigorated, with just the accomplishment of helping another juggler. I set funny priorities, based on a) time sensitive projects, b) short or on-going projects and c) type of physical exercise involved. Because I have fibromyalgia, I have to limit those projects that are physically demanding to 1 hour or less each day. Then, I have to rest and later, can begin again with a less physically demanding project. If I don’t work on setting the priorities, I find that I get overwhelmed with all the stuff I could do and sometimes even throw them all up in the air and do nothing. The problem that arises is a funny little habit I have with playing computer games, eating or even reading a novel all day all day long. Once in awhile, it’s not so bad; every day – it’s really not such a good thing at all. I do better if I take the time to set priorities with my projects. I’m always working on being more consistent with things that are important to do. I also try to take time with my friends and have some fun. The one main priority that I’ve been setting for myself is to read the Bible each morning, beginning each day with my Lord. With Him, the rest of my day falls into place so much more peacefully and purposefully.

January 27, 2010    Respecting My Friend

   Some of the social networking sites on the worldwide web have interesting games, family tree programs, made up gifts to send to each other and other ways to connect with each other. On the surface, these are great fun and seem harmless enough. However, the more I see of them, the more concern I have. With every keystroke on these activities, the host companies are allowed open access to the user’s information, as well as the information of not only the recipient, but of every friend of the user. Indeed, on one family tree program, additional information is requested, including birthdays, birth places, names of spouses and relationship information. I have decided, out of respect for you, my friend, that I will not participate in any of these activities. I do not want to open the door to your information to be used in any way that you might be uncomfortable about. I am concerned that all this information from these social networks is being sold as marketing information. Please do not be put off by my choice to block these applications. I enjoy the other aspects of social networking, keeping up with friends and family. It is a beautiful thing to value each other’s lives, in pictures and notes as we post them on these sites. Each person decides what is a comfortable level of involvement on the sites for him/her. I run a balancing act of reaching out, for fun and entertainment, and pulling back because of privacy concerns. Technology that brings so much that is positive can also bring negatives with it; I like to be vigilant.

January 25, 2010    A Voice from Long Ago

    I’ve been given a gift that is precious indeed. In the form of a cassette recording, the voice of my mother shared her life in a voice letter to a loved one. Tears flowed, both in gratitude and in grieving. I knew that I would be emotional, but I had no idea of the depth of emotions that would be evoked. I haven’t heard that voice in 13 ½ years, since she left this world. I’ve missed her so much; what a joy to hear her voice, all at once comforting and sweet. I am so very thankful I have the wonderful hope of reuniting with her because of the grace and love of Christ; the one thing I know with all that is in me is the fact of her childlike faith in Christ. That day will be overflowing with joy. For now, I will cherish the tapes of her voice letters.

January 23, 2010    Sewing Up the Seams

   I have been doing some mending and found that there is a link between the physical step of sewing up seams in a garment and sewing up holes in relationships. It is such a good thing to open up the door of reconciliation, with appropriate boundaries of respect. Forgiveness is a choice meted out each day, with one day building upon the previous, until one day it doesn’t feel so hard letting go of past wounds. I relish the feeling of reconciliation and peace in relationships. I also love the feeling of forgiving myself and soaking in the love of God, who not only forgives me, but shows me how to forgive myself. I can be at peace with myself in His love. It is the beginning of new life, like the trees and flowers budding out in the springtime of life.

January 21, 2010    Learning Machine

    I have been helping a dear one, first with cleaning and later on, organizing and clearing up her apartment. Over the years, I’ve taken these same steps with her, but to no avail. After the season of assistance, she felt overwhelmed once again and things would pile up again. Today, as we cleaned together, I saw something new and exciting. She was owning the process, deciding on how she wanted to accomplish the cleaning. Then, she remarked on the things she’s been learning on the internet and on the TV. It is miraculous; she has been soaking in the information about cleaning and organizing for at least the last six months. She was ready to make these changes, cleaning her counters and adjusting her cooking patterns to keep her kitchen clean on an ongoing basis. I told her that she is a learning machine, using the sources of information to help her prepare mentally for the changes that are needed. Years ago, my efforts to teach, or guide in the area of cleaning, were received like a bad cold – tolerated but not welcomed. Now, I’m seeing a fantastic shift toward competence and confidence in her cleaning. The only step now is helping her to develop a continuing pattern of keeping her apartment clean and organized. I am thankful that God is working in her life, helping her to expand her intellect to fully understand and implement new ways of living. She is indeed a learning machine! And, blessings upon blessings, she is my daughter.

January 20, 2010    A Hug Speaks Volumes

   The good touch of a hug meets the emotional and physical needs every person has. I had too many years of painful bad touch and now, with the great healing of the Lord sinking deep into my soul, I love hugs. Fun hugs with my granddaughter, warm hugs with my kids (who aren’t so little anymore) and profound hugs with my brothers and sister. The love shared is unique and cherished with each hug. Also great are the long distance hugs that are beyond the physical, but are just as precious – with loved ones over the phone lines or in cyberspace. A final hug is the one reserved for the one who gave His life to save me, my Jesus. I really look forward to hugging Him in person. For that matter, I am looking forward to hugs in Heaven, with family and friends. A hug to you, my friend!

January 18, 2010    Wiggle Time

   Our little granddaughter announces with amusement flickering in her eyes, “It’s wiggle time!” She loves to play with Grandpa, Grandma and Daddy. We have to purposefully set aside our adult interests of checking e-mail, browsing the internet and cleaning and choose to enter into a time of play with her. She loves just spending time together, having fun. The sweetness of her love, so easily and completely given, is precious! The Lord God is completely and utterly devoted to us and longs for us to come to Him as a child, just wanting to be with Him and have fun with Him. My “wiggle time” with God is sometimes just between Him and I, sometimes with lots of family, sometimes delightful and fun and sometimes quite and profound. I love Him and love being with Him. Today, the grandmother learns from the granddaughter about slowing down long enough to enjoy being together and have fun in a “wiggle time” moment of delight.

January 11, 2010    Gentle Nudging

   When I want to influence someone, I tend to come on too strong, something like a bull dozer. That approach doesn’t work; I’ve found doors slammed in my face and friendships halted. Oooh, that hurts. I am finding myself in the classroom of the loving Spirit of the Living God and I am learning the lesson of gentle nudging. I first experience a stripping off of my “self-righteous” pride and then a generous dose of learning to listen, without judging. The last part is so foreign to my perception of influencing someone that I can hardly fathom its success. The gentle nudge is full of love and is a mere suggestion. Nothing more is offered and expectations are thrown out the window, as though they are invisible weights holding me down. I am free to release this gentle nudge into the hands of the person receiving it and into the hands of God, who will protect it and add His love to it as He confirms it to this dear one. I am released from the follow up; it is between God and the individual. If another nudge is needed, the Spirit will gently nudge me to follow Him in a new step of love. This is far better than my bull dozer approach. I really love being in the Lord’s classroom; He gently nudges me to live better and love better.

January 8, 2010    Setting Aside Strife

   Something harsh was rising up in my throat. I feel completely righteous and almost stomp my feet at the choice of sinful behavior around me. For a moment, I want to confront and challenge people to wake up and honor God with their lives. But I had to stop for a moment and listen … to what God was saying to me about my attitude. It was sinful, judgmental and cruel. All my confrontation would bring is strife. I would be once again labeled “the religious freak” and they would continue all the more encouraged because of the put-down of “religion” by my actions. So many times, that’s exactly what happened … me confronting in my “righteousness” and whatever witness of faith in Christ Jesus I had was wasted in my sinful attitude toward friends and family. Today, in that moment of listening to the quiet voice of God, I learned a new way to handle my frustration of sin all around me – prayer. So many times, prayer is only thought of as a “give me” thing to resort to when death, terror or need arise. I asked God to help me have the right attitude in the situation before me. I was able to release to Him in silent prayer, all of my righteous indignation about the sin, which was well founded and valid. He showed me that it is His righteous indignation flowing through to me and that He wants me to handle it this new way, to set aside strife and simply pray that His Spirit will reach into the lives of those who so desperately need Him, to face the sin that is in their lives and choose to stop and instead, to follow God and seek righteousness. It’s a good prayer, a powerful way to take a positive step when faced with a negative situation.

January 7, 2010    Diligence

   Starting again every day, trying to organize, accomplish and excel is a challenging endeavor. It is much easier to stay sloppy, munch all day and waste time. But day after day of nothingness is still absolutely nothing and is very boring. I spent too many years doing just that. I ate my way through to almost vomiting from eating too much. I whittled away hours before the TV, working hard to get lost in someone else’s life – even if it was a make believe world. I woke up to the reality that I wanted to live in the real world, to live a life of purpose. I face every day the choice to be diligent in my endeavor to write, to encourage people and to honor Christ with the time and abilities I’ve been given. Some days I do well and others, I am a complete flop. Diligence is starting again every day. Today is a new day – thumbs up!

January 2, 2010    Life of a Pray-er

   In the midst of a game day with family, one of our dear ones, on her way to the get-together, faced the horror of an accident, in which a child was hurt and later died. Life is messy and she was a witness to its worst. Courageously, she called 911, told the police what she had witnessed and went home with the horror etched upon her memory. She called her husband and so we all learned of the occurrence and the life of the pray-er began. The dimensions of physical life and spiritual life simultaneously flowed, as family hugged and separated, some to go and assist this dear loved one and the rest to enjoy a meal together. Beneath and behind the hugs, driving, eating and visiting were prayers seeking the comfort and love of the Father God, who is above all things, for our loved one and for this little child and the family who loved the child. On into the evening and as we lay down, those prayers continued and will continue to be lifted up to the Throne of God, The Father of all comfort.